memory
by JForward
Summary: Summary:The Doctor’s memories are haunting him and he’s having trouble trying to decide whether or not to stay with Rose as she discovers his past. Erm, mainly fluff at the start. Plot later, maybe. Continuation from never forget. Daily update.
1. Chapter 1

Title: Memory.

Disclaimer: Doctor Who property of Russell T davies.

Summary:The Doctor's memories are haunting him and he's having trouble trying to decide whether or not to stay with Rose as she discovers his past.

Author's note: Erm, mainly fluff at the start. Plot later, maybe. Continuation from never forget.

Chapter one.

Rose shivered as the Doctor ran a single finger down her back bone, and felt him smile through the kiss at her shiver. Pulling away for air, she rested her head on his chest for a moment as began to undo his buttons. The Doctor hardly noticed, kissing the top of her head softly. He was hardly away of his buttons being undone until her felt her hands of his skin, pulling his tie off over his head they began to kiss again, her tongue softly entering his mouth.

He could taste her lip balm; cherries. She pulled away and then he saw the uncertainness in her eyes. He looked into her eyes, stepped away slightly. "Is this what you want?" He asked, softly. "I'll stop if you don't…" He turned away, seemingly ashamed, and she lay a hand softly on his neck. He looked at her with adoration and hurt burning in his eyes. "What's wrong?" She asked him, wondering why he wouldn't look at her straight.

He turned away from her, walking to the console, buttoning up his shirt. "It's just…" He said softly, trying to find the right words. "I… I do…I do… y'know.."

He trailed off, but Rose knew what he meant. "I know" She rested and hand on his shoulder and he didn't react to it. "Doctor?" She asked, and he turned away again, moving into the corridor. She followed him down the corridor and he entered what she knew was his bedroom, opening a drawer. He pulled out a photo. It was of a pretty woman with shoulder-length curled black hair and vibrant green eyes. The man next to her looked relatively young, about 25ish, his eyes grey. They both wore a sort of silky material, the man wearing black like a suit and her wearing a pale yellow dress.

The Doctor stared at it, sat on the end of his bed. He closed his eyes, placing the picture on the side next to him and placing his head in his hands. Rose sat next to him, putting her arm around his shoulders and he leant into her, sobbing softly. "What is it?" Rose asked him, concern in her voice, and he took a shaky breath. "That's…" He rubbed his eyes. "That's me, Rose. First regeneration. Before the war" he stroked the picture of the woman with his fingertip. "And who's she?" Rose asked, though inside she knew. The Doctor confirmed it.

"That was…she was… I loved her… Rose, she was my wife" He sobbed, leaning into her. "I feel like I'm betraying her by loving you. I was so young… I was only 31 when.. when…" His voice began to quake and she softly stroked his hair as he lent on her. "You're not betraying her. She would've wanted you to love again, Doctor" She murmured, and he wiped his face clear of tears.

He sat up, turning his face away from her, sniffing. "I'm sorry" He murmured thickly, wiping his nose. "I just… I need you, Rose. But-" he was cut off and she pressed her lips to his, kissing him. Surprised, he didn't pull away this time as she began to undo his buttons. "I need you, too, Doctor" She breathed at him, coming back to breath before kissing him again. He reacted this time, placing a hand on her waist, eyes closing. She put on hand on one side of his head, gripping his hair as she kissed him, pushing him back.

She slid one hand onto his chest, feeling his skin underneath her fingers. She pushed him back again and he slid backwards onto his pale blue sheets, looking up at her. "Are you sure-" he began but she cut him off, kicking her shoes onto the floor and climbing up onto the bed next to him, kissing him again as he adjusted himself, swinging his legs up onto the bed too, allowing himself to enjoy the kiss.

"I love you" She murmured into his ear, finally pulling away from his lips, and then laying her head softly on his chest. He stroked her hair back, smiling at her and then shivered softly, goosepimples on his uncovered chest. He'd kicked his shoes off long before and now pulled the covers up both of them, as Rose adjusted herself under the covers and lay her head just tucked into her armpit, his arm curled around her shoulder. He let himself relax and his head dropped sideways so his chin rested on her head and his eyes flickered shut.

Rose awoke and was aware of the Doctor's warm body next to her, her head on his chest and his arm around her shoulders as he slept, his breathing deep and his eyes shut, mouth open just a little for his breathing. He looked so peaceful and happy. He murmured In his sleep, brow creasing for a moment as he frowned, turning over and moving his arm from her as he turned over onto his other side, murmuring again. She slid sideways silently onto her side of the bed. Then the Doctor shouted out in his sleep.

"Rose!" He called out. Then again. His head jerked violently upwards and one leg kicked out. "Doctor?" She whispered, softly laying a hand on his bare shoulder and feeling it was covered in cold sweat. She slid out of the bed, walking around and looking at his face worriedly. "Rose!" He cried out again, and she took pity. "Doctor!" She exclaimed, but when he didn't react she pressed her lips to his and kissed him. His eyes snapped open as she pulled away. He saw the fear in her eyes, the concern, and realised he'd shouted in his sleep.

"What happened?" he murmured sleepily. He noted she was in her pyjamas- and thinking back he guessed she must have changed after he fell asleep. He looked at her, stroking her hair from her face. She still looked concerned. "I'm okay, Rose. Just nightmares…" He looked away from her. It was the same one he had so much, the reason why he hardly slept usually. She was stood there, calling his name. Miila. Oh god, he missed her. But this time, it had been Rose. And then she had died, burned to death just like Miila.

She stroked his head softly, walking around and glancing at her watch as she climbed back into the bed. 2AM. She lay back down in the bed, looking at his face, and then pressed her lips to his again. "I need you, Doctor" She murmured, pressing her body up against his, feeling his double heartbeat increase through the flimsy fabric of her pyjama top. She reached down under the covers slowly and began to push down his trousers. The Doctor's eyes widened….


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Memory.

Disclaimer: Doctor Who property of Russell T davies.

Summary:The Doctor's memories are haunting him and he's having trouble trying to decide whether or not to stay with Rose as she discovers his past.

Author's note: Erm, mainly fluff at the start. Plot later, maybe. Continuation from never forget.

Rose sighed contentedly, lying on her back next to the Doctor, who had relaxed now although he'd been surprised at the start he knew immediately what she wanted. And he knew he wanted it to. She lifted her head again and kissed him. The Doctor had been half asleep, eyes closing and opening ever slower but now they snapped open. He yawned, stretched and placed his arm around her shoulders, pulling the covers up to their chins.

He looked at her as she sat contentedly next to him. "Haven't done that for eight hundred and something years" He noted bluntly. She looked at him with a slight innocence in her eyes. Catching her look, his eyes widened. "Did you just lose your virginity to me?" he exclaimed, and despite the seriousness of the situation she had to laugh at the shocked, puppy-dog-that's-been-kicked face. "Yes!" She responded, and knew she was happy about it anyway. She loved him.

The Doctor rolled his eyes. Then he froze. "Am I some sort of pedo?" He asked, and Rose laughed, smoothing back his hair. "No" She said softly, kissing him again.

That was when it struck. Like a lightning bolt shooting through her body, she felt pain but only a tiny amount. Electricity seemed to sparkle and cackle in her hair and staring at the Doctor her mind suddenly buzzed frantically with thoughts. Her mouth opened slightly as she pulled back from him, gasping like she'd run a mile.

"Rose, what is it? Rose? Rose! Ouch!" He yelped as she dug her nails into his chest painfully. He pulled her hand off and saw five little cuts where blood oozed through in the shape of her nails. The Doctor looked into her eyes worriedly. He tried to kiss her again but she jerked back as If terrified, staring at him. "What is it?" He asked softly.

"I.. I know your name" She breathed. He laughed softly. "The Doctor. Everyone knows it." He smiled at her but the smile froze as she spoke again.

"Theta"

A/n: Hope you like. Yes, I know evil cliff-hanger. Daily updates.


	3. Chapter 3

Title: Memory.

Disclaimer: Doctor Who property of Russell T Davies.

Summary: The Doctor's memories are haunting him and he's having trouble trying to decide whether or not to stay with Rose as she discovers his past.

Author's note: Erm, mainly fluff at the start. Plot now starting! Continuation from never forget. And in this Doomsday happened but she wasn't pulled from the lever.

Oh, the pain. That single word that caused so much pain. His hearts were hammering so hard it was painful. Emotions he'd thought were buried were dug up. All it took was one word. One name. The name that used to be his. Oh, the pain was so bad! The Doctor tumbled sideways from the bad, gasping like he was running, hand on his chest, flat in the centre between his racing hearts.

"Doctor?" She asked, sliding next to him, placing a hand on his back. The Doctor gripped the bedpost with his other hand, ignoring the blood dripping from his cuts. "I'm right, aren't I? It's your name. Theta Sigma" The Doctor winced away from her. He shivered slightly and she gripped his shoulder. Gulping, the Doctor spoke. "It's not anymore. It used to be. I can't… I can't use it anymore. It's too painful."  
"Why chose the Doctor?"  
"The Fall of Arcadia. Remember with the Daleks? I told them the truth. I was on the front line. I was a medic and a fighter." She stroked the back of his head and he looked at her. Searching for something to change his thoughts, she remembered something from their last visit.

"Those dinosaur-creatures. You said they were your ancestors. They had those face-paint things." The Doctor nodded, a slight smile of his lips, but it was pained. "Not paint at all, Rose." He sat upon the side of the bed, her next to him, and looked around for his shirt which he picked up and began to put on, not doing up to avoid the blood on his chest. "Lilac for a female, blue for a male, grey for elders."  
"But you don't have them" She noted. "Did they vanish?" The Doctor shook his head. "Oh, they're there. But I can hide them. We evolved to hide them" He shrugged. "Some of us were like some humans; we didn't want people to know. I just hide them because it hurts" He looked away again.

She stroked his hair off his face before standing and striding off. She returned with a little bowl of water and a cotton bud, and, sitting next to him, she washed his chest clean of blood and put plasters on the cuts. He hugged her quickly before getting dressed again. She left for her room and returned shortly wearing jeans and a top which said "Tweet Tweet I'm Sweet" Over a picture of tweety pie, the cartoon character on a background of pale blue. The Doctor grinned at Rose.

"Can you show me?" She asked him, suddenly, sat in the breakfast bar. He looked at her in confusion for a second over his toast before realising what she meant. "Oh!" He exclaimed, and she grinned. "I can try. I haven't done it for such a long time." He placed his toast back down, and placed two fingers either side of his head. He closed his eyes tightly and faintly through his skin came a hint of blue at the edge of his eyes. Then he cried out in pain, a trickle of blood coming from his left eye.

A/n: Ahahaha! Muahaha! Evil cliffhanger.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: Memory.

Disclaimer: Doctor Who property of Russell T Davies.

Summary: The Doctor's memories are haunting him and he's having trouble trying to decide whether or not to stay with Rose as she discovers his past.

Author's note: Erm, mainly fluff at the start. Plot now starting! Continuation from never forget. And in this Doomsday happened but she wasn't pulled from the lever.

"Doctor!" Rose cried out, dashing around the able and lifting his head to look at her. The trickle dripped onto the table. She picked up some tissue and wiped it off despite the Doctor's protests. "What happened?" She asked softly. He winced as she continued to clean his face and she noted the faint blue shapes at the sides of his eyes. "It's just… I haven't shown them for so long" He mumbled. "My body just wasn't used to it." When she pulled away, he closed his eyes tight again, placing his hands to his temples as he focused. Soon, the two marks came up onto the surface of his skin, turquoise-blue, either side of his eyes. It made him look completely different and then she realised something else.

"Oh my god!" She breathed, and the Doctor looked at her in confusion. He touched one of the marks softly with his index finger. "What is it?" He asked her. She mouthed, like a goldfish. It was unbelievable. Two thoughts had hit her at once. "You're eyes…" She breathed. The Doctor picked up a spoon and looked in the back of it at his reflection. His eyes- now acidic yellow-widened. "Must be a side effect" He swallowed. Closing his eyes he clenched his jaw and slowly the colour faded out again, his eyes changing back to their doe-like colour.

He was visibly weakened by doing this and she laid her arm across his shoulders. "Doctor?" She said softly. He rubbed his eyes and sighed softly, before glancing up at her worried face. "I'm okay" He told her, lifting his head and placing a soft kiss on his lips.

A lazy day passed, the Doctor repairing the TARDIS and she watching, occasionally making a cup of tea. The next morning came after another night spent together, but this time nothing happened except sleep. And kissing.

"Erm, Doctor…" She said, softly. This was a rather embarrassing thing to ask him. "Er… didyouuseacondomyesterday?" She asked at high speed, knowing he'd understand. His jaw dropped slightly and his eyes widened again. He made an odd, choking-coughing noise in his throat which was a half-whimper. "N-no" he stuttered, the impact of this thought hitting him.

Rose's eyes widened and she was gone in a flash. She returned with a clinking bag to find the Doctor on the sofa in the lounge-room, staring into space. She placed the bag on the wooden table with a clonk, removing a small box and leaving the room. A couple of minutes later she returned holding the test in her hands, watching it. The Doctor, who had been examining the contents of the bag (alcohol), stood up and watched over her shoulder as the double pink line grew stronger.

Rose turned to the Doctor, unsure how she should feel. The Doctor was mouthing silently, in shock. He couldn't believe it. He couldn't… noting Rose's eyes on him he kissed her softly on the head. "Well, it's too late to go back now" He noted bluntly. She glanced at him. "Well…" He trailed off, looking at her. "You do want to…you know… keep it?" He asked. She smiled and kissed him again, and he took that as an affirmative.

The alcohol, it appeared, had been a mistake. Rose watched as the Doctor got drunker and drunker, downing glass after glass of vodka. Then baileys. Then champagne which he unearthed from the TARDIS. Rose rolled her eyes, as he lent against her chest, talking slurred as he chanted at her. "I'm gonna be a dad, I'm gonna be a dad!" He said jubilantly, splashing his glass of vodka around and she sighed, sipping water. She wasn't going to drink alcohol now.

Eventually she got the Doctor off to bed and he lay spread-eagled across it, with her just tucking herself in next to him, knowing he'd regret it later. "I already am a dad, y'know?" He suddenly slurred at her. "Oncshe. Wiff a human. We washn't in lovshe. But we had a shon!" He exclaimed, grinning widely. She looked at him with disgust and hurt in her eyes. She slid out of the bed and headed back to her own room, ignoring him calling after her as she slammed his door shut. She had only just reached her room when she broke into sobbing, back to the door.

"Why didn't you tell me?" She whispered quietly, knowing he couldn't hear her. She swallowed, saddened, and climbed into her own cold and lonely bed, tears soaking the powder pink pillows as she settled down to a sleepless night.


	5. Chapter 5

Title: Memory.

Disclaimer: Doctor Who property of Russell T Davies.

Summary: The Doctor's memories are haunting him and he's having trouble trying to decide whether or not to stay with Rose as she discovers his past.

Author's note: Erm, mainly fluff at the start. Plot now starting! Continuation from never forget. And in this Doomsday happened but she wasn't pulled from the lever.

The doctor groaned, stirring, his head pounding with an awful headache. He placed a hand to his temples, sitting up slowly, the world spinning around him. Focusing, he looked around. Where was Rose? Glancing at the clock, he winced. 2 PM. He had slept in by quite a bit. "Rose?" HE murmured, looking around him, finding no trace of her. He stood, swaying slightly, and left the room. He headed to Rose's room, fighting the feeling of being sick.

Opening the door quietly, he saw her asleep, facing him, her face tearstained with mascara that had run. His eyes widened. What had he said, when he was drunk? The Doctor sighed softly, closing the door softly and turning away, eyes downcast.

When Rose awoke, she left her room, just wiping her stained makeup away and changing into a dirty jeans and top. She found the Doctor in the tv room, silently peeling a cheesestring into tiny pieces. She looked in at him, and he looked incredibly downcast. His eyes were drooping lower and lower, and he slowly flopped sideways onto the sofa, to all appearances asleep. She sat down on the sofa, stroking his hair off his face as he hadn't curled it up and it was soft and floppy, hanging into his eyes. The Doctor twitched, one eye opening, and saw her.

He snapped it shut. "Too late to pretend to be asleep?" he asked softly. She smiled despite herself. "yes" She murmured, wiping her eye as fresh tears began to form. "Doctor, why didn't you tell me?" She asked softly. He sighed, sitting up and wiping her tears away. She lent into his embrace. "I didn't want you to know. It's all in the past, Rose. I love you, now. That's what matters." He stroked her hair from her face, kissing her softly on her lips.

Several hours passed, Rose curled up, head on the Doctor's chest. He was stroking her hair systematically, feeling sleepier every passing minute. Then, without warning, the TARDIS shook, throwing both of them to the floor. Rose cried out, whacking her head painfully against the metal. The Doctor helped her up and they dashed to the console room, hardly able to stand upright.

The TARDIS juddered again and Rose slipped, her reflexes too slow to catch onto the Doctor and she went down, whacking her head hard against the long metal rail that ran round the console room. She cried out in pain, almost hitting the floor, vision blurred as she felt strong arms around her, lifting her- she saw the Doctor's concerned face in front of her and heard his words through a rushing noise in her ears.

"We're gonna crash!" his words were muffled. She felt a warm trickle down the side of her head, and felt someone wipe it off, wincing at the touch. "Rose?" There was a shudder and they fell down, the Doctor holding her, on his knees. She felt her hands warm in his clasp and then they gripped cold metal. The pole. "Hold on, Rose! I have to control the TARDIS!" He called, leaping up and darting around the console, somehow managing to stay upright. He slid, then scrambled up, trying desperately to control the TARDIS. But it was out of his control.

Then, with a resound smashing noise, the TARDIS hit the floor. Rose was thrown clear, smashing into the wall and the Doctor lifted slightly, feeling one arm ricochet off the pole before a burning pain and the world fading into darkness.

A/N: He isn't dead, don't worry. But what about Rose…? Muahaha. Me luff the evil cliffhangers. Daily updates!


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